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Relationship

Relationship jokes

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?

There are 20 of them.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

How do you know when you're disliked?

When they always give you the camera for group photos.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.