Relationship jokes
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait!
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.
I asked a kid where their parents were...
Lol
What did the naked man say to the naked woman?
"Suck my dick."
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
What did the emo guy say to the emo girl?
"Like ur cute g."
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...