Relationship jokes
Person 1: Omg, my blind boyfriend cheated on me.
Person 2: What did you expect? Him to see other hoes...
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.
What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?
A misfit.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
I love you, Lovely Perv!
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no daddy to call.
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
What is an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
An orphan came out of the closet to their parents as gay. Oh wait...
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?
Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.
The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.