Relationship jokes
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."
Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..
They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
It’s almost take her to Spirit Halloween, and then rail her in a spooky mask season.
Her: Eat my ass!
Me: Yes, chef!
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.
What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
Literally every movie:
"I love you." "I love you, too."
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.