Relationship jokes
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.
I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
Yo, little sister, pussy taste so GOOD on my TONGUE!
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
"Can we do 69?"
"How about we do 9/11 since we will crash together?"
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."
My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging.