New Relationship Jokes - Page 71

When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.

FUCKING MENT

My brother: What are you looking at?

Me: A mistake.

Why did the orphan misbehave in school?

Because the principal couldn't call their parents.

Why did the doctor turn the orphan down?

Because he is a family doctor.

Little Johnny meets Big Suzy.

Little Johnny and Big Suzy got together.

Little Johnny still regrets getting together with her to this very day.

The end.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.

Did you hear Biden went to the ER?

He's having a little trouble with his Putin.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"

Brayden: "Hey!"

*Music roles around*

*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*

Brayden: "O_O"

Hailey: *Hides*

So sad </3 xD

What do you call your mom?

My wwwwiiiiiifffffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?

"No, you hang yourself first..."

Why is the orphan cold?

'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

Hi guys, jokes for sister.

So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.