Red jokes
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Jets versus towers, USA lost two.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.