Recreation jokes
What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?
You can beat an egg.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t get to home run!
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving, just to go skydiving twice.
What's an Emo's favorite game? Hangman.
Why do orphans like to play tennis?
Because that’s the only love they will get.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"
Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
Where do golf players practice?
Near a gulf.
"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"