Why couldn't the surfer hang 10?
Because he forgot his feats!
What has 4 legs and two gloves?
All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️
Why are basketball courts slippery?
Because the players dribble on it.
What is a photographer's favorite card game?
SNAP!
I love jumping off cliffs.
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
Why are 10-pin bowlers always in pain?
Because their balls have holes in them.
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
