Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
Why was the rapper bad at fishing?
Because he always threw back the lines!
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
Why did the rapper go to the beach?
To catch some sick WAVES of applause!
Why do rappers take time to prepare for camping?
Tupac-in-a-tent.
Why did the rapper smoke dope?
To learn how to drop some DOPE beats!
Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?
It's the only way they’ll get love.
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
When baseball players want to get together, what will they do?
Touch base.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?
He was playing with too many strokes.
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
