Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
Why was the rapper bad at fishing?
Because he always threw back the lines!
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
Why did the rapper go to the beach?
To catch some sick WAVES of applause!
Why do rappers take time to prepare for camping?
Tupac-in-a-tent.
Why did the rapper smoke dope?
To learn how to drop some DOPE beats!
Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?
It's the only way they’ll get love.
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
When baseball players want to get together, what will they do?
Touch base.
