I was going to go hunting but then I realized, schools are closed due to covid.
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
two men are hunting. one asks: did you ever hunt bear? the other one answers: no, but one time i went fishing in my shorts
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later? I said yea I was gonna hang there
Have you ever had sex camping ⛺
It's inTENTS
I love when I could run throw the grass and feel the wind on my face. Then my mom told me to get off VR and then I wheeled myself to her
My Dad was mowing the grass today, I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
That camping trip was in-tents
Why do women love wind chimes?
They vibrate
why do some people hate camping
it's intents
What does Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common? They both make terrible hunters
3 rednecks Billy,Joe and John talk about they hobbies, they agree shooting. John says i like shooting animals. Joe says I like shooting birds. Billy says I like shooting cans. Joe and John ask "what kind of can like bear cans, pepsi cans or cola cans". Billy respond Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans and Asian Americans.
Why do rappers take time to prepare for camping?
Tupac-in-a-tent.
There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have it,but you don't have it because you are poor! The poor child answers:You're right it's very nice but i'have one thing that you don't have! The Rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline and all the other games that can be done outdoors and tells ti the pope child: looks that beautiful swimming pool I have is very big you don't have it because you are poor! and the poor child says: Beautiful is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have. So the rich child feels bad he says: Wait but I'm rich, how is it possible? I have everything i want because I'm rich.Why you have something that I don't have? And the poor child says : I have cancer!
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze
Oh God By Dixie Rect
Please Dont Stop By Craven Moorehead
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.
