New Real Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.

Demon: Why you sad?

Guy: I’m in hell, can’t you see?

Demon: Well, we have fun here at hell.

Guy: Really? Nice.

Demon: We do sleeping in on Mondays.

Guy: OoOoOo

Demon: Tuesdays we swim in our lava or dive in fire. If you die, you’re already dead ☠️

Guy: Ok, does that mean I’m a ghost?

Demon: No, you're not a ghost.

Demon: Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺

Guy: Ooooooo, I can’t wait 😜

Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die, and you're already dead, remember that?

Guy: Ok, but I am dead, and if I die again, I was already dead, right?

Demon: Yup.

Demon: I have a question: Are you gay, and do you like kissing fire girls, and if you die, you are already dead?

Guy: Ummm, I am not gay, and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱

Demon: Then you won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday, heheh.

Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell 🪦🏴‍☠️☠️☠️💀

Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now.

What does Fortnite and real life have in common?

They both lost their tower.

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

I hate the term feminazi. It is offensive to real Nazis.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common?

They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)

Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

You guys know BeReal?

BeReal? More like cereal.

Get it? BeReal = cereal.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

Did you hear that song about 9/11? It was a real banger!

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!