Real jokes

Son: "Mom, am I adopted?"

Mom: "Yes."

Son: "Where are my real parents?"

Dad: "We are your real parents, so... GET OUT!"

Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.

What's the best part about duck tape?

It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"

It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.

Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"

The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.

President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."

That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.

You must be the square root of -1, because you can't be real.

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

Why is Penaldo's favorite club Real Mallorca?

Because it reminds him of Kathryn Mallorca🥵

Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.

Why do vegans use blowjobs?

Because they can’t take real meat.

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

Why did the rapper sit on the clock?

He wanted to keep it real with TIME.