Real jokes

Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.

The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.

Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.

What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?

A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.

Ya know, Kobe made a real impact on the earth!

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

Can't wait to meet you!

So join the Depression family!

We open real soon!

Try best to hold onto sanity!

What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?

To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.

What's Kobe's favorite song? "It's Going Down" for real.

This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.

I hate the term feminazi. It is offensive to real Nazis.