Reaction jokes
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
Person 2: OMg!
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?
"I think you're overreacting."
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
Hey amazing people! The Prankster is back! This prank was on my sister and her friends. (tbh I did not think she had friends.)
I set out some snacks for them! Btw (I can't be trusted).
I gathered some "slapies."
The things I gathered were tomatoes, onions, milk, carrots, ice cream, and some dried-out green beans! All that stuff!
I need the tomatoes to make a sauce because I am going to put that with the ice cream, mix that up with the milk, yea yea it might look like a gross and nasty dish...WRONG!!!! I am going to make it into a little snack...anyway we make that into a snack for her and her friends. The onions are used to make their eyes cry and burn but I will give them a towel after that. The dried-out green beans are just to make them go over the top and overreact because I did not cook them. After that, we make it like it's not so icky!
I feed it to them!
They overreacted!
Please leave a comment.
Bye!
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.