Reaction jokes

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!

I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.

😐😑

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

What is the fastest thing in the world?

James Charles when he sees little boys.

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?

When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.

This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...