Put jokes

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

Yo mama is so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is dangerous for kids if put on their face, the other one is used to carry groceries.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

Bro, the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died, and do you know the meme "No Bitches?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time and said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.

Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

Yo mama so dumb that when she saw the "log in" page on her computer, she went and put a log in it.

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...

I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.