Put jokes
Bro, the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died, and do you know the meme "No Bitches?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time and said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Yo mama so dumb that when she saw the "log in" page on her computer, she went and put a log in it.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.
Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...
Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.
How do you make a handkerchief dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.