Put jokes

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

Yo mama is so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

You really put the R in special.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!

How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.

Your hairline sucks; even Harry Potter could not put it under a spell to turn it back to order.

At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...

It don't moan when u put milk inside.

Latias is red.

Latios is blue.

You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.

What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?

We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.