Latias is red Latios is blue you should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu
How to surprise a blind man; put a plunger in the toilet :)
when you go to a baseball game and they say heads up and put your head up and the ball hits you in the head.
What does an Irish bowler put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball?
a bat
Why does saturn have a ring?
Because god liked it so he put a ring on it.
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first? So you can see the look on its face...
One day I put a lady taffy. On my ass
What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde." The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know I was too busy wanking
The IRS came to this mans house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money thats been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man though maybe I need to get a lawyer. So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down and the agent said there has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it. The man says yes I do, I'm a gambler. The agent says you gamble with that much money. He man says yes, I'll give you an example. Alright I bet you 5,000$ that I can bite my left eye. Agent says alright deal. The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agents says that not fair. The man says I'll let you get your money back or even more, I bet you 7,500$ I can bite my right eye. He agents thinking I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says that's not fair. The man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk and the agent says I got you, he's laughing and happy that he final beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face and the agent asked what's wrong with you and the lawyer replies the man bet me 100,000$ he could piss on your desk and you'd just love it.
johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad "what is a bitch and bastard." dad say "a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail." then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says "a shit is shaving creme like what i'm putting on my face and ass is a coat why don't you bug your mom." so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say fuck so johnny ask his mom what fuck means mom says "fuck means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says "welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass" the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i fucking the turkey.
the teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make mooo said sally good job said the teacher what sound does a sheep make baa said jack good now what sound does a pig make little johnny raised his hand really high in the sky the teacher called him he said the pig says get on the ground and put ur hands on ur head u black moterfucker
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning...Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
God those orphans we're putting up such a fight, I had to lock em in the basement
You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!
How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
(Don't take this seriously just funny): Yo mama so fat when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her a yell "Hey Yo Taxi!!!"
how to make holy water 1-grab a pot 2-put water in it 3-set the stove to 420 degrees 4-boil the hell out of it
