Put jokes

Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.

They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."

I am a reverse rapper because I put bars in my mouth.

A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.

Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.

Roses are red,

Potatoes are brown,

Your mom's so hot,

I put her down.

You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is dangerous for kids if put on their face, the other one is used to carry groceries.

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

Yo mama so dumb that when she saw the "log in" page on her computer, she went and put a log in it.

Bro, the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died, and do you know the meme "No Bitches?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time and said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.

I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.

Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...

Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.

What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?

To put the wheelchair in the pot.