Put jokes

What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?

"Put it in my bill."

I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.

What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?

Put them in a barking lot!

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?

DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!

Family are together playing charades.

Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.

Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

Your mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

What happens when you put a baby in a blender?

The baby is a cherry smoothie.

What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!