Put jokes
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.
I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.
Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?
Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.
(Not meant to be triggering).
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.
What the can say to the tomato?
Tomato tomato potato potato find twelve recipe for the both 👍🏾
I put on ingredient sticker read for tasting good.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."