What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a minute.
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did
I have a fear of speed bumps
But i am slowly getting over it
Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
There was a kidnapping at school…
Don´t worry, he woke up.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.
How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.