The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…
It was tense.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
When the chair was invented, the inventor’s friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: ‘You might want to sit down for this.’
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree
I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it
Why do bees have sticky hair
They always use honeycombs
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He just couldn’t see that well.
Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? A star fish
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
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