Puns

Why did the library book go to the doctor?

It needed to be checked out.

Why did the picture go to jail?

Cause it was framed!

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.

My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.

I should put a little more backbone into them.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.

I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

What did the math book say to the other math book? Wanna hear my problems?

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.