You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.

Why do bees have sticky hair

They always use honeycombs

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.

Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”

Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve

What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?

It is ground breaking!

I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I canteloupe.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.

You want to hear some marriage jokes?

Don’t worry it’s just a couple.

I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it

There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

When we were visiting the hoover dam. I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, “Wheres the dam snack bar?”

When the chair was invented, the inventor’s friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: ‘You might want to sit down for this.’

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