Puns
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
Where do T. Rexes shop? Dino-stores.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.