When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
Puns
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.
There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Why does peter pan always fly because he NeverLands
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
how does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…
It was tense.
When the chair was invented, the inventor’s friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: ‘You might want to sit down for this.’