Sign

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

Clown

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!

Fish

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

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  • War

    A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!

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  • Bear

    What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

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  • Tense

    The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.

    It was tense.

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  • Man

    An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    Ocean

    Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.

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  • Pair

    I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

    Man

    Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.

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  • Pistol

    Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

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  • Computer

    The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

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