What did the lungs say to the cigar?? 'You take my breath away...'
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Itenticle.
What does a spy do when he's cold? He goes under cover.
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, No atmosphere.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar...
It was tense.
having sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.