Puns

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

How do you cut ancient Rome in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

Trees are so social. They're always branching out.

People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.

My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.

I should put a little more backbone into them.

How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipes it!

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He couldn't see that well.

Why did the library book go to the doctor? -- It needed to be checked out.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Itenticle.

"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: 'You might want to sit down for this.'