Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!

There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.

I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I canteloupe.

Why does peter pan always fly because he NeverLands

New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk

When we were visiting the hoover dam. I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, “Wheres the dam snack bar?”

You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.

Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest…

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired)

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.