Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!

What is the most popular fish in the ocean? A star fish

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Why do bees have sticky hair

They always use honeycombs

There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

When we were visiting the hoover dam. I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, “Wheres the dam snack bar?”

I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet

What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

I was going to make a chemistry joke… But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.

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