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What do you call a dead parrot ? Polygon

I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

What did the beach say as the tide came in?

Long time, no sea.

Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?

Actually I shouldn’t spread it.

People are making end of the world jokes, like there’s no tomorrow.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but its irrelephant

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.

One day I came home from school and said to my dad ‘I got expelled from school today’ he said ’ how’ I said I threw my book at the teacher’ he asked why’ I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can’t hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. ’

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

I really hate waiting to die… Its taking a lifetime

Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!

having sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my co-workers found gold. I said AU, bring that over here!

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but what do to wrights make? The first airplane.

Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.