Puns
Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Emo t-shirt:
"EXISTENCE IS FUTILE."
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
What has 4 legs and two gloves?
All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
Jokes about menstruation are never funny, period!
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
Butter believe it.
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.