How do trees get online? – They just log in.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence

Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

Do you want to hear a money joke? Never mind it makes no cents

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.

Why does peter pan always fly because he NeverLands

What did the math book say to the other math book?

Wanna hear my problems?

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.