How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Puns
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did
You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He just couldn’t see that well.
Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH
I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!