What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
