Puns
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.