If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence

I make science puns, but only periodically :3

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant. Dirty bastards.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.

Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?

Because there were too many knights.

Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but its irrelephant

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.

A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

Why did the coffee file a police report? – Because it was mugged.

Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

If we can’t see air can fish see water?

Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

Wanna hear a terrible Joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?