If there was someone selling drugs around here, weed know

Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

Why did the coffee file a police report? – Because it was mugged.

Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

Wanna hear a terrible Joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

What do you call a Communist sniper? – A Marxman.

I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant. Dirty bastards.

Why did the electron leave the atom? Because it had its Ion someone else.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no bell prize.

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.

How did the hipster burn his tongue? – He drank his coffee before it was cool.