What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?

Because there were too many knights.

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

How do trees get online? – They just log in.

Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

I’ve decided to marry a pencil. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.