Puns

What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?

It is ground breaking!

Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.

How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?

How do trees get online? -- They just log in.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Two antennas met on a roof and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.

What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.

what did the banana say to the banana?

"u look a-pealing"