Puns
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
You really gay. No questions added.
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.
The History of the Star Spangled Banner. By Jose Cannusee.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
What do you call high Mexicans?
Baked beans ;)
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
Earlier that day...
Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.
Mission on space.
Mars: Moon? You okay?
Moon:...
Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!
*Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.