Puns

If my cat was a cactus, doesn't that make him a catus?

you.

So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.

P = Person (not original "pun")

P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!

(Communications with this person are now blocked)

Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.

Why does a chicken cross the road?

To poop and pee in the potty!

What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

You really gay. No questions added.

What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!

Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?

He had a 6 cents of humor.

The History of the Star Spangled Banner. By Jose Cannusee.

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.

She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.

Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?

He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.

Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.

Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.

WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.

I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.

Did you SEA what I did there?

GUY: Yes

Are you SHORE?

What do you call high Mexicans?

Baked beans ;)