Puns

Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?

Because he was too stuffed.

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?

It hasn't come out yet.

My dick itches.

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

What's the difference between a car and a car?

I have absolutely no idea, sorry.

What’s up with the foot feet?

What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.

Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.

I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.

My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.

The History of the Star Spangled Banner. By Jose Cannusee.

Fuck off!

If people who live in Canada are Canadians, I mean if they drink Fanta, they’re fantastic.

My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.

What do you call a homosexual in a coma?

A fruit and a vegetable!

You were born on the highway. That's where all the accidents happen!

Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.

A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."

Why are you gay? Because I said so!

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."