Puns

What do you call high Mexicans?

Baked beans ;)

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?

Because he was too stuffed.

Earlier that day...

Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.

Mission on space.

Mars: Moon? You okay?

Moon:...

Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!

*Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*

Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?

It hasn't come out yet.

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

My dick itches.

What's the difference between a car and a car?

I have absolutely no idea, sorry.

My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.

The History of the Star Spangled Banner. By Jose Cannusee.

What’s up with the foot feet?

What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.

Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.

I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.

Fuck off!

If people who live in Canada are Canadians, I mean if they drink Fanta, they’re fantastic.

My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D

You were born on the highway. That's where all the accidents happen!

What do you call a homosexual in a coma?

A fruit and a vegetable!

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.

Why are you gay? Because I said so!

Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.