Puns

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.

And then it hit me.

Why was the baseball player stuck in the stadium?

'Cause he made his home run.

I may not be that good with puns on this site, but I got a skele-ton of jokes. Hey, what's the matter pal, is there something crawling under your skin?

I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.

I went shopping, and then to the hospital, and then to bed, and then I promised to only say "and" once in a sentence.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

One volcano said, "Is that you, Qs? I am hot."

What separates snowmen from snow-women?

Snow balls.

What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Thumb nails.

What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?

Man, you are really on edge.

What do bananas wear into battle?

Banana-rama!

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

What is Jack Frost's favorite mode of transport?

A Tri-cycle.

If my cat was a cactus, doesn't that make him a catus?

you.