Puns

Hey updog!

What's updog?

(Laughter)

Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.

A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

I know a good airplane joke, but it will probably go over your head.

Twin Towers: "No, it won't."

I would tell you a joke about pizza,

but it's too cheesy.

Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

What letter is really hot? T

C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.

But hay! It's in my jeans!

What do you call a tent for lesbians?

Finger Hut.

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

What did the math acorn say when it grew up?

"Gee-I'm-a-tree."

I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

What did the pot say to the kettle?

"To lick the s*** spoon."

I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.

He's all right.

What do you call a blind German?

A not see.