Subscription jokes

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?

Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.

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Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

Why do women get periods?

Just cancel the subscription.

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

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"Rapeboat momma" on OnlyFans. Rapeboat is her number one sub.

You: Did you get the new snoo subscription?

Other: What's snoo?

You: Not much, how 'bout you?

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So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."

Humanity.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.