Puns
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
What do you call a bear with no ears? A b.
Yeah, that joke was unbearable.
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
Why are the jokes fat? Because you made it.
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
Friend 1: I HATE YOU!
Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!
Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*
Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.
All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
Does anyone know Wakanda movie is Black Panther?
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Suck my ass, guys!
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"