Puns
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
What do you call a bear with no ears? A b.
Yeah, that joke was unbearable.
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
Friend 1: I HATE YOU!
Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!
Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*
Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.
All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Does anyone know Wakanda movie is Black Panther?
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
What do you call a Mongolian swindler?
A Khan artist.
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.