Puns
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?
Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile?
"Get in the Batmobile!"
Buh dum tish.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hair.
Hair who?
Hairhairhairhairhairhair!
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."
You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.
What do people say when they're fighting?
"Water!"
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
Earlier that day...
Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.
Mission on space.
Mars: Moon? You okay?
Moon:...
Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!
*Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.