Puns

Why do planets circle the sun?

'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.

Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!

Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?

What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?

A corn stalk!

What do you call a bear with no ears? A b.

Yeah, that joke was unbearable.

What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?

"Now sashimi, now you don't!"

What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast.

You cat to be kitten me right meow!

I've done a ton of work today.

A SKELE-ton of work!

Friend 1: I HATE YOU!

Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!

Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*

Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.

All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get the Chinese Daily!

Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!

Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.

Does anyone know Wakanda movie is Black Panther?

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

Suck my ass, guys!