Job

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?

Shop

Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?

Never mind, it was needle-ess.

Corn

What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?

A corn stalk!

Rabbit

Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!

Friend

Friend 1: I HATE YOU!

Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!

Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*

Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.

All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*

Chicken

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get the Chinese Daily!

Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!

Cheese

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

Skunk

Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.

Lumberjack

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

Letter

What starts with "P" and ends with "E" and has a million letters?

Post Office.

Ball

I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*

Cupcake

Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"