I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
Puns
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
Friend 1: I HATE YOU!
Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!
Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*
Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.
All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Does anyone know Wakanda movie is Black Panther?
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
What starts with "P" and ends with "E" and has a million letters?
Post Office.
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
What’s a booty’s favorite game?
Hide and cheek.
What did the triangle say to the circle?
"You're pointless!"
Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"
I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
