Puns
Why are the jokes fat? Because you made it.
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
What do you call a bear with no ears? A b.
Yeah, that joke was unbearable.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
Friend 1: I HATE YOU!
Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!
Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*
Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.
All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
Does anyone know Wakanda movie is Black Panther?
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
Have you tried eating a clock?
It's time-consuming!
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
I know that my jokes are never punny but...
Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.