Puns

Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!

You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!

If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

Who do you call to clean up foul language?

A cuss-todian!

I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...

I was two tired.

Sauron said, "Eye see all."

Why did that fish cross the road?

Just for the halibut (hell of it)!

What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?

"Aye-jack-you-late!"

What is your favorite amendment? A rapper.

What is King Kong for dinner?

Humans.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

I met a drum circle once, they were a huge hit!

I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

What's black and white and red all over?

The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.

He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.

No, I don't want to.

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.