Puns

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

What do big fat male cows have?

Moobs.

I tried to catch fog, but I mist.

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)

When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.

If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?

Bee Jokes:

"Hello."

"Oh, hello, Buzzy!"

"Why are ya calling me Buzzy this whole time?"

"Because you BEE BUZZing!" (Laughs)

"It's not funny! Jokes are the worst, although I hate those Bee Jokes!"

"Chillax bro. Don't BEE a hater of jokes, dude!" (Laughs)

"Aagh! You always had a choice, but I will sting ya face!"

"No! You BEE like pollen to make HONEY-moon." (Laughs)

"Stoooop!! I'm outta here, your worst fan."

"Fan?"

"Yes, your worst fan!"

"No! Fan!"

"What?! Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!!!"

"Ohhh! Buzzy's looking BEE-wind!" (Laughs)

What did the basketball say to the Frisbee... "No balls."

What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!

Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.

Actor: Really? What do I do?

Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)

I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄

Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.

Why doesn't Batman have super vision?

His parents died.

Geology rocks!

Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.

Eggs

You crack me up!

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.