Puns
I tried to catch fog, but I mist.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?
Bee Jokes:
"Hello."
"Oh, hello, Buzzy!"
"Why are ya calling me Buzzy this whole time?"
"Because you BEE BUZZing!" (Laughs)
"It's not funny! Jokes are the worst, although I hate those Bee Jokes!"
"Chillax bro. Don't BEE a hater of jokes, dude!" (Laughs)
"Aagh! You always had a choice, but I will sting ya face!"
"No! You BEE like pollen to make HONEY-moon." (Laughs)
"Stoooop!! I'm outta here, your worst fan."
"Fan?"
"Yes, your worst fan!"
"No! Fan!"
"What?! Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!!!"
"Ohhh! Buzzy's looking BEE-wind!" (Laughs)
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
What did the basketball say to the Frisbee... "No balls."
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄
Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.
Actor: Really? What do I do?
Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
Geology rocks!
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)