Puns
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.
I tried to catch fog, but I mist.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?
Bee Jokes:
"Hello."
"Oh, hello, Buzzy!"
"Why are ya calling me Buzzy this whole time?"
"Because you BEE BUZZing!" (Laughs)
"It's not funny! Jokes are the worst, although I hate those Bee Jokes!"
"Chillax bro. Don't BEE a hater of jokes, dude!" (Laughs)
"Aagh! You always had a choice, but I will sting ya face!"
"No! You BEE like pollen to make HONEY-moon." (Laughs)
"Stoooop!! I'm outta here, your worst fan."
"Fan?"
"Yes, your worst fan!"
"No! Fan!"
"What?! Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!!!"
"Ohhh! Buzzy's looking BEE-wind!" (Laughs)
I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄
Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.
Actor: Really? What do I do?
Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)
What did the basketball say to the Frisbee... "No balls."
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
Geology rocks!
I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"