Puns

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"

I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

But why?

What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?

Ten-putt!

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.

You're overreacting.

Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead!

I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."

Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)

Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.

If my cat was a cactus, doesn't that make him a catus?

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."

What do you call a Native American with a boner?

A redwood.

Confucius say:

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.

So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!