Puns

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

Oh dear, I made a backwards ray. Let's test it. I made a backwards ray, let's test it oh.

When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:

"Looks like I am going back to the future!"

Riddles not jokes.

What has 4 legs but cannot walk?

What has bark but no bite?

There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?

What has holes but can carry water?

What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?

What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?

What can you catch but not throw?

And last one:

What can rule, but not command?

Tell me the answers in the comments.

Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/

One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.

Why do tables never need wheelchairs? Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.

Sup?

If we can't see air, can fish see water?

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

People who make puns always get pun-ched by people.

Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).

1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.

3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.

4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.

5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!

6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."

7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.

What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!

You thought his puns were bad, wait till you sea mine!

What did the two paintings say after a long battle?

Let's call this one a draw.

What kind of jeans do you wear to church?

Holy jeans!

I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.

Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.