Puns

I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.

i got shot once. now i'm holey

one dollor bill is with a five doller bill. the 5 says " i make more cents then you

Shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store. He was asked to give an EGGsplanation.

What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

A vowel movement.

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper? ... We’re wiped out!

Hello

What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.

So you know The Lion King Do you remember Simba Well his dad is really strong and he walks really fast but Simba walks really slow So I told him to Mufasa

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

7 days without a pun makes one weak

I just found out i'm colourblind!

The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket. I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room So I said “I guess she wasn’t fealine it” My dad said “you’ve got to be kitten me that was purfect” I said “literally”