Puns

What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A tromboner.

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.

Doctor: I see your point!

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

Bill was on a hill. What a hillbilly!

Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!

What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?

A tromBONE.

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle.

I have no puns because I don't play soccer.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?

Panda-monium!

What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?

It's none of your business!

I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."

I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"

I got 39,300,000 matches.

What did the pencil say to the other pencil?

Your looking sharp!

What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?

Catch you later!

Why did the chili blush?

Because it was so hot!