Puns
I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"
We went running on our camping trip. It was past tents.
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.
Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
No, you!
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow?
Nothing, it was feeling blue.
What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.
What does a glass of water ask a pond?
"Water you doing?"
What does the pond answer?
"Pondering life."
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
I just busted a nut. A ginger nut.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.