Puns

Hana?

What did one bee say to the other bee?

"I love you, honey!"

I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.

What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A tromboner.

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.

Doctor: I see your point!

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

Bill was on a hill. What a hillbilly!

Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!

What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?

A tromBONE.

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle.

I have no puns because I don't play soccer.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?

It's none of your business!

I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."

I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"

I got 39,300,000 matches.

What did the pencil say to the other pencil?

Your looking sharp!