Puns
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.
Hana?
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Don't touch my bot.
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?
"Wow, Harry!"
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
Meow meow meow meow :p
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.
you.
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.