Puns
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
No, you!
My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
I tried to play with rock, but it was hard.
Why did the Nurse bring a red pen to work? To draw Blood.
Why did the M&M go to school? To be a smartie.
Why did the monkey bring a ladder to school? To be in highschool.
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.
My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.