Puns

- Hey, are you single?

- No, I'm album.

The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.

What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.

Hello.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.

Me: Nah, it's just two tired.

Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

I just found out I'm colorblind!

The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.

A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.

One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."