Puns

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.

Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

- Hey, are you single?

- No, I'm album.

The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.

How do you fix an igloo?

With Iglue.

Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.

Me: Nah, it's just two tired.

Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.

What bathroom does a trumpet go to?

The brass room...

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.

We went running on our camping trip. It was past tents.

What's a delinquent mitten's favorite sport?

Badminton.

A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.

One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)