Puns

I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

I just found out I'm colorblind!

The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.

How do you fix an igloo?

With Iglue.

Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.

Hello.

What's a delinquent mitten's favorite sport?

Badminton.

What bathroom does a trumpet go to?

The brass room...

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.

We went running on our camping trip. It was past tents.

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)

A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.

One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.