Punishment jokes
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
Satan: "Why are you in hell?"
Me: "I threw itching powder on somebody with no arms."
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.
I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
I got suspended for telling the emo kid to hang in there.
Karma is like rape.
What goes around comes around, like a dead rape victim in a whirlpool.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're never wanted.
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."