Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're never wanted.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.
I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
Karma is like rape.
What goes around comes around, like a dead rape victim in a whirlpool.
I got suspended for telling the emo kid to hang in there.
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
