Punishment jokes
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
You are all going to be pun-ished!
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
Age is just a number, Jail is just a room.
Satan: "Why are you in hell?"
Me: "I threw itching powder on somebody with no arms."
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
Why did Aaron slit his wrists?
Because it's him.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
Why do pedophiles never win a race? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."