Punishment jokes
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week. She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:
The guy says, "I'm a fireman."
The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"
The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."
The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
Why can't orphans open a website?
Because they don't have a home page.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why do pedophiles never win a race? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.