Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and smell bad.
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
Why is Fairy's washing up liquid the best form of lubricant for anal sex?
No more tears.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
Velcro is such a rip-off.
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
Glad to present you a wood clock.
https://olegon.ru/clock/
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.
So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.
So THEN I bought a LED whistle but it steel wooden LED me whistle.
Yo' mama is so stanky, her Sure deodorant got confused and her Secret deodorant told on her.
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
