Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
Doin (DYM 58)?
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
your (DYM 38)
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
Why don't I poop Windex? Because I Pledge to do my doodie!
Put some Windex on it.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a good year and one's a great year.
What shampoo does Stephen Hawkings use?
Head & Shoulders.
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
