I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
We don't have school shooters; we have special ed breeches.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
Have you ever heard of the stupid coyote? He got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of his legs, and was still stuck!
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!
President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎
Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.
Why did my wife leave me?
I wish I knew.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.
Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
Help me...
What did Jay z say when he got pulled over? I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem ui with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android
What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems
(Said in a Scottish accent). Amaffmaheed
You have a problem with jokes about dementia? Thats funny, I don't remember asking.
