Problem jokes
The doctor gave me 6 months to live.
So I shot him.
Judge gave me 20 years.
Problem solved.
The plane crashed. There are 5 seats in Bordeaux and usually 4 parachute seats.
The first song goes: "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, so fly with the first helmet."
One of Ivanka Trump's former supporters said: "I was the US President's teacher." And take an umbrella and fly.
Former US Secretary of State Donald Trump said: "I am the President of the United States. I am the president of the United States of America, not responsible to the people. Design our package and jump."
"I'm glad," said the next passenger, Popstag, as he approached. Then the boy explained: "I still can't see anyone's problem. The President of the United States is in my bag..."
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
The professor said, "I think this question raises a few problems."
The student replied, "That is not a question; that is an answer."
I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.
I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.
I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.
This is 15 first-year treating a swan.
Students return: "Without payment?"
The word "I die with many important problems."
Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.