Prison jokes
What kind of star would go to jail?
A shooting star!
Why did the person go to jail? He committed a crime.
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
Which word is also called for women's prison?
"Pridaughter."
You hear about Rapboats' time in prison? He kept droppin' the soap on purpose.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo.
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?
Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
Why did the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was a gay male 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged not say anything to a group of gay white men that were not physically challenged after they called him a size queen after the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged was done taking turns giving them a blowjob and was done taking turns swallowing their sweet cum? 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
Because it was the best meal that he ever had since he has been in prison for 30 years. 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!