Prison jokes

Why did the prisoner run away?

To spit bars.

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.

PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂

Why did the DJ go to jail?

Because he dropped the bass too hard!

Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?

Jeffrey Epstein.

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

Age is just a number, Jail is just a room.

How do you know when a football player has been to jail?

When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?

There is a small medium at large.

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"

"Yale."

"And what was your name again?"

"Yackson."

Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?

Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.

Why did the orphan go to jail? Because he could finally have a home.