Priest jokes
Priests are priests.
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both want Anthony's neck.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Just came up with a smart new way to make jokes. Try to figure it out without context
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
What kind of sex do priests love?.
Nun.
What do you call a reverse exorcism?
It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"