Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"
And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."
And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"
And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both love naughty souls.
The priest had a very holy shirt.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
What did Eve say to Adam?
"That is rock hard."
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
Where do babies get baptized? So the priest can wash their sex toys
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
