Priest Jokes

Why is a priest different from acne? Acne waits to come on to your face

What is the difference between a priest and a zit?

The zit waits until your twelve to come on your face

Yo Father. Don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anul plug in there.

What?

The holy water gets all the ass of. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*

Priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids menu.

what is humble holy and helps? an angle...

Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?

He wanted to be able to finger A minor

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

what did the priest say to the muslim. wzaa

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary

What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?

They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns

you

what dose a priest and time have in common? there both predators

What to gift a child molester , who already has everything ? A bigger county with more believers

What's a priests fav fruit?

Cantaloupe

A child molester and a priest walks into a bar. He orders a drink

Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.

'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.

And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'

To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'

To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'

What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

A white dad,a priest and a rhabi all run out a burning school and the dad says “what about the kids” and the rhabi reply’s to him saying “fuck the kids” and the priest says “think we got enough time”