Pregnant Jokes

is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

what's better than having unprotected sex? getting an abortion.

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant ain't no telling who" in better shape the elephant or the woman i guess it's probably weight watchers.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again. Husband: Wait dear.. Don’t do it for the sake of our kid! Wife: Kid? Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

POV: Wine Taster in hell

I was, sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. this silhouette begins to speak, "you have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. how do you plead?" the man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit. "guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like I will take any punishment you deem fit." very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request." out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. the boy says "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." the boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, Taste like chicken."

Why was the pregnant cow get mad all the time,it wasn’t in for the moo-d

"Chelsea is the most consistent team. One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October it's just like menstrual cycle. If they don't win in November, judt know that they're pregnant." 😅

Huh I’m pregnant again must be something in the air, Yea your legs

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

When you end up pregnant.......

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say DON'T and if he touched me down there I should say STOP..but Dad, he touch me both places at once so I said DON'T STOP DON'T STOP 😂

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach. She asked me "why the hell did you do that!?!?" "I wanted to let you yk I'm pro abortion."

My Wife Slept With Another Man And Got Pregnant, She Told Me 9 Weeks Later, I Said It's Ok And Told Her Let's Talk Downstairs, So I Pushed Her Down The Stairs

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank* She has cancer

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

one day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER" the guy said. So the duck walked away. The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha

So this women had a job she wanted to hang out with her boyfriend the she lied about having corona virus then she got out of work then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend then she said i lied now we can you no water sigh lick sigh then her boss texted Ew and YOUR FIRED. one more story one day this teen named alexis got kicked out of a house then went to live with her bf then she got pregnant posted it all on social media

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system. He agrees and the doctors turn to dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.