Maternity jokes
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.
Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?
The maternity ward.
Swelling again?
Pregnant woman.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"