Maternity jokes
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.
Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?
The maternity ward.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.