Pregnant jokes
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.