Pregnant jokes
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”