Pregnant jokes
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
I'm pregnant.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.