Preference jokes

I sit because I can't stand you.

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.

"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.

And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."

To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."

To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.

Why do people eat food?

Coz it tastes good lol.

I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.

I only trust people that like big butts.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a sugar donut?

People want donuts.

Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!

If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.

I dislike the UK with a great taste.

Dark jokes are just like food.

Not everyone gets it.

Stephen Hawking prefers rolls to slices of bread.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.

(If you see this joke with a blue "S" that's also me. I just have an acc now.)

What's better, a woman or a man?

Neither, for I am WHITE.

You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.